Tears
by nambnb
Summary: A little something I wrote after watching Episode 6 of "Free! - Eternal Summer" (Spoiler Alert), in which Makoto raced Haru in freestyle and lost to him, seeming depressed afterwards. (This fanfic doesn't take any later episodes into account.)


Makoto was crying.

Haru stood there in the locker room of the indoor swimming pool after the qualifications at the prefecturals had just taken place. The Iwatobi Swim Club had not even come off the contest with bad results, quite the contrary: everyone had qualified in at least one of their respective individual events. It was just that 200 m freestyle race where Haru had beaten Makoto's time, where a loss occured; for Makoto.

Haru had thought his friend was crying when he saw his face immediately after the race, but it was hard to tell whether it was tears or water from the pool running down his face that time. Makoto even brushed it off laughing, saying that he was glad to have raced Haruka for real in a contest and that Haruka was simply faster than him. But now this gentle giant of a man named Makoto stood there in the corner of the locker room and was clearly crying, Haruka could hear his faint sobs and saw his shoulders shivering a bit. Under normal circumstances he might not have even seen his friend like this, with the wrapping up of the contest and congratulations to the winners and everything coming up now, but Haruka had suddenly felt all alone amidst the other contestants and his other friends and Makoto was nowhere to be seen. Thus Haruka had searched for him and now was a witness to this scene.

The longer Haruka looked at his friend's trembling back the harder it seemed to make the first move towards him. Haruka was no man of many words and the person handling most of 'his talking' now stood there and was crying. Haruka was a bit at a loss there, not entirly sure how to approach Makoto now and what to do afterwards. Normally his friend seemed to be in a constantly good mood with a permanent smile all over his face, so seeing him cry like that made Haruka sad to the point of letting a lump in his throat grow that made it even harder for him to speak.

But then Makoto's cries were mixed with such a desperate sigh that Haruka suddenly no longer cared whether he could speak to him or not, he just paced over to him and before Makoto could react to the sound of his footsteps he had already embraced his friend from behind.  
The scene looked a little awkward then, since Haruka was embracing a guy that was half a head taller than himself and way more well-built, but that didn't matter to him right now.

"Ha-Haru? Why are you here?"  
Makoto's voice was a bit hoarse and slightly higher than usual as he formed words while simultanously trying to wipe his spilling tears off his face. He seemed to be positively surprised to see Haruka standing behind him as he craned his neck hard enough to see the jetblack hair of his companion appear below his shoulder.

"Don't cry anymore, Makoto.", was the only thing Haruka could manage for a start. He didn't even ask for a reason, he just wanted to have his cheerful friend back to his usual self again.

"Ehehe, y-yeah, I'm trying, it's just... It seems the tears won't stop, no matter what I do. I'm a bit at a loss here."  
Makoto had tried to laugh it off again, but it resulted in him looking even more depressed than before.

Haruka let go of his friend to circle around him and look him in the eye. With a gentle gesture he reached up and stroke his cheek, brushing away a few tears as he went, only to make room for new ones.  
"Won't you tell me what's wrong with you, Makoto? Contrary to you I am not that good at guessing other people's minds."  
Haruka was a bit ashamed that he didn't really know what was wrong just from looking at Makoto. His eyes glanced towards his friend and away from him again and again like he didn't want to miss a hint what was wrong, but he was too embarassed not being able to guess it at the same time.

Makoto smiled at him faintly and for a short moment his tears seemed to stop. He closed his eyes and leaned into the touch of Haruka's hand, embracing his friend's hand with his own.  
"Thanks for worrying about me, Haru, but I'm okay."

"No, you're not!", came a rather snotty respons from his friend, whose face had heated up a little from Makoto's behavior.  
"Anything that makes you cry like a little girl is clearly not 'okay' in any way, Makoto. So, tell me what's wrong already!"

Makoto was visibly puzzled by the sudden outburst of his normally almost lethargic friend. Haruka seemed flustered by himself and Makoto exhaled with a soft snort and a smile as he led Haruka's hand away from his face and put his other hand on top of it before looking him in the eye.

"You wrote 'free' in your career prospects, didn't you, Haru? So that means once we are out of school you will find a career that involves swimming, doesn't it?"

Haruka was surprised that Makoto had changed themes so rudimentarily. Wasn't he just asking what Makoto's problems were? So how did they end up with Haruka's difficulties in career goals now?  
Haruka's mouth worked, but all he could manage was an irritated shrug at his friend, that could translate into 'probably'.

Makoto's face lit up and fell almost at the same time. He stared at the floor, no, more precisely, he seemed to stare at Haruka's hand he still held in both of his.

"But I won't be able to follow you there, Haru. I am not good enough for this."  
His hands began to shake slightly and Haruka could see new tears welling up in Makoto's eyes.  
"Today showed me that I am no match for you. I'm not good enough to make a living out of swimming. So I'll loose you, Haru. I'll loose you as soon as we graduate from school!"

Haruka realized for the first time where Makoto was getting there. They had been friends for thirteen long years by now. They knew each other since kindergarten and had never parted ways since. And now... now Makoto stood infront of him, crying because he was afraid of loosing him. Haruka was stunned. He had to blink a few times to grasp the whole severity of the situation.

Loosing Makoto?  
No, that had not even crossed Haruka's mind for one second yet.  
Being friends with Makoto was such a natural thing for him like swimming in the water was close to him like breathing. There was just no way this would ever change or even end. This just could not be true.

"No. I don't want this.", Haruka's voice sounded faintly, his facial expression was that of someone very shocked. He suddenly stared at Makoto desperately and gripped him by his upper arms.  
"I don't want to separate from Makoto!"

Makoto's expression was equally grim, his tears nearly forgotten, as he stood there and confronted Haruka with the facts.  
"You'll have to. There is no way I can follow you where you will be going. This will be our last year as high schoolers and then it is goodbye."

"NO! I won't accept this!"  
Makoto almost tripped as he was shoved slightly backwards by Haruka's hands that still clung onto him. His friend's expression was so fired up like he had never seen him before. Tears started to form in Haruka's eyes, but would not spill yet, his face was heated by the argument and the unspoken thoughts of desperation buzzing through his mind.  
"If making a living out of swimming means I will loose Makoto I'd rather not be swimming at all!"

"Don't be stupid!" Makoto's retort was unusually harsh towards Haruka. He freed himself from Haruka's grip with a simple shrug and grabbed him by the shoulders instead.  
"You can't throw away a carrier that involves swimming! That's the only thing you're really good at, Haru! You are brilliant at that!"

"I don't want to be brilliant at anyhting if it means loosing you, Makoto! I'd rather be an ordinary person! I'll be ordinary soon anyway!"

"I'm not getting what you're saying. But you simply can't give up on that! It's too important!"

"But you are more important to me, Makoto! You are! You really... are...!"  
The tears that were held back until now finally found their way down Haruka's face. They rolled down his cheeks and nearly flooded his whole face, had it not been for the fact that Haruka had hastily raised his crook of the arm towards his eyes and was wiping at them. His overflowing blue eyes had settled somewhere across the room now and his breath came in hasty puffs.

Makoto stood there and all of his earlier intensity seemed to have vanished completely. He looked at Haruka's crying face and all he wanted was to draw his friend in a tight embrace. But that would mean he would accept Haruka's reasoning to put his friend before his future and he couldn't let it stand like that.

"Your future is more important than our friendship, Haru."  
He heard himself say that, but not even Makoto seemed to believe in his own words. They were as hollow as his heart felt at the moment.

"A future without Makoto is not an option! I'll find something else I'm good at to earn a living. Doesn't mean I can't swim anymore at all. I hate the competition anyway! I can manage, you will see."  
Haruka's face looked determined, but on closer inspection it seemed more like he was pouting. He looked like he was mad at Makoto for even bringing up the sheer possibility that their friendship would just end like that. Of course Haruka loved swimming above all else, but being able to do what he loved and being together with Makoto was on a whole different level of affection for Haruka. Swimming was his passion, but Makoto was his beloved friend. To be honest, he didn't want to part with one thing to get the other, either way around. But not swimming for a career for being together with Makoto seemed manageable in his mind.

"You are such a fool, Haru. How can you say that."

Haruka looked up at Makoto, whose face had turned bright red by now. He seemed unusually flustered all of a sudden. Haruka did not understand entirely why that was the case.

"Giving up on a dream job like that to be 'together with me'. Everyone else would think you just declared your love to me right now."  
He looked away, apparently nervous about the whole situation and scratched his back of the head.

Haruka needed a few more seconds to tie the loose ends together in his brain.  
A confession?  
Did he just make a confession to his friend?

Haruka had never doubted his feelings of affection towards Makoto as long as they were friends. He liked him for a very long time now. If he were to differentiate between love or friendship towards Makoto he could not really draw a clear line between the two. It just felt way too natural to be by Makoto's side.  
Maybe it would be clearer if he compared his feelings for Makoto to his friendship with Nagisa or Rei...  
Nope, not really compareable to him.  
He knew Nagisa for a very long time now, too, and of course he was good friends with Rei as well. But being together with the small blonde or the bespectacled butterfly and having fun with them was an entirely different thing from the dependent feelings towards Makoto.  
So... he was in love with Makoto, or not?


End file.
